I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
