so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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