just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
