When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
