He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
