So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
