I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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