Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
