shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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