I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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