My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
