false alarm. still invincible.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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