There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
