That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
