Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize