Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize