I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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