We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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