i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
