im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
