haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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