You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
