i don't like sucking hair
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Randomize
