I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
A+ Viking dick
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
