Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize