I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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