Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
