He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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