dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
