what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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