i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
