"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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