Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
