Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
