The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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