his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
