Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
