Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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