Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
