why im i the only drunk person in the library?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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