hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
