i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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