sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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