what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
