The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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