I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
