the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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