Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
