I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
