It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just high enough for therapy.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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