hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
