last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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