I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
MIDGETS
????
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
