I'm drive I can fine osifer
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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