i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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