So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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