A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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