I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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