my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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