I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
