I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize