booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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