I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
