yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Still dying that you shit outside
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
