Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
