I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
