one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have aggressive nipples.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
