I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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