he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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